‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the land
poker players were playing, getting in one last hand.
The bad-regs were grinding at the tables with care
in hopes that some run good soon would be theirs.
The locals were nestled, all snug in their seats,
with visions of jackpots brought on by bad beats.
Playing live on the strip, no PokerBros app.
Is that Mike Postle with his phone in his lap?
When out in the lobby, someone backed up a truck.
I sprang from my seat to see what the f**k.
There was Doug Polk celebrating a win,
and Joey beside him, a shit-eating grin.
The scene was electric, a buzz filled the air.
Like Galfond’s big comeback, I’m glad I was there.
When what to my bloodshot eyes should appear?
A high-stakes affair, the big game was here!
With cameras, lights, and high society stacks,
a commentary team of Schulman and Platt.
As if from a chimney, the great Mori came
and he whistled and shouted and called them by name:
“It’s Ivey, and Dwan!
There’s Doyle and Gus Hansen!
Daniel and Bellande!
That’s Dan Bilzerian!”
They all took a seat
Stacking chips with a grin
“Splash away! Splash away!
Let’s go all-in!”
They got ready to play, the rail became deep.
I was pushed to the back, it was hard just to see.
But then the crowd parted, Daniel stood on his seat,
he said “We need one more!” and he pointed at me.
Nervous but ready I knew this was my chance.
A seat with the best, a trip to the dance.
A Perkins-sized buy-in, it’s all on the line.
Like Mike versus Teddy, it’s my time to shine.
They shuffled and dealt, chips and cards flew.
I was tight, I was snug, it was all I could do.
The pros were relentless, betting and raising.
The pots quickly grew, these guys were amazing.
Finally the time to play a hand had arrived.
With joy I looked down, I spied Pocket Fives
I opened with a raise, but Ivey three-bet.
Folded back to me, should I mine for a set?
I looked in his eyes, not a read to be had.
The poker world will see this, will math nerds be mad?
I called and I gulped and awaited the flop.
Ivey laughed, turned to Doyle, and said “We’re on for props!”
An ace and a queen with a five in the door.
Ivey didn’t slow down, he bet even more.
Just what I wanted, I set the trap.
“Let’s play for it all”, I pushed in my stack.
Ivey snap-called, like I hoped he would do.
He flipped over his cards, he flopped top two.
We just had to hold, I showed down my set.
The turn was a deuce, we’re not safe just yet.
I used my ”one time”, I prayed to St. Nick
The river was dealt, “It’s a brick, it’s a brick!”
With the pot pushed my way, Ivey vanished from sight
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”